Sadness

Well, remember when I said I was pleasantly surprised?  It was a lie.  What we didn’t know at the time was that it was all false.  They are very angry, and doing some rather mean things towards us about our move.  Even to the point of accusing me (the wife) of being the master puppeteer and manipulating my Hunny into doing this, even writing letters in his name!!!  None of which is true of course.  This is HIS dream, and I am following as supportively as possible because I’m his wife and I love him.  But no one can tell the family this.

We’ve been informed that we aren’t to ask for anything from family over the pond (not that we were planning on leaching off them, but we were hoping to maybe have Hunny the option of renting one of their spare bedrooms from them (financial gain for them) temporarily rather than have to stay at a impersonal hotel.  It’ll be hard enough when he heads over to be away from me and the children for a couple months, he was hoping for family and love over there… but that has been officially banned from our asking.

I guess in one way it makes things easier.  I mean, our leaning was towards the Derbyshire area specifically because there was a concentration of family and friends there we were hoping to be able to reconnect with… but if we’re not welcome, it just makes his broadening the job search grid all the easier.  No guilt if we find something hours away and hardly see them, since they really don’t want us there anyhow (we’re family wreckers because we’re moving there in the first place).

I know… drama.  I hate it too.  It has been SO stressful since my last post.  I’ve wept, my husband has been sick in his gut, the kids are scared they won’t get to even meet family (and who knows?  Maybe they will shun us when we get there – to be honest, we have no idea what to expect anymore.)

So what did we expect?  I guess we really thought that they would express concerns, but be open to listening.  And once they saw our resolve, would do whatever they could to support our decision.  My son applied for two colleges for this autumn.  I really really wanted him to pick one college, I thought (and kind of still do) that the one college program would be better than the other, I also thought it might be better for the two siblings to be living in the same city knowing we’d be far away, they’d have their own built in support network.  But he insisted he wanted the other college.  So, once I realised he was sure of his choice, I completely supported his decision.  Helped him find a reasonable place to rent, stocked him up with the basics, offered whatever help we could to get him the things he needed (like finding out there was no oven, I went on a search for youtube videos for cooking on a hotplate and toaster oven on a budget) – I didn’t give him money, I didn’t pay his bills… but I AM offering encouragement, suggestions, tips, legwork, and moral support as often as he needs so that he knows that we love him, we support his decision, that we want him to be successful. It’s HIS life, HIS choice, HIS right.

We were hoping for the same.  We were hoping that there would be maybe a little of that kind of “doesn’t cost you a thing” encouragement and help… but I guess we were living in a fantasy land.  It seems from their reactions that they are just tappin’ their fingers waiting in eager anticipation of our “obvious” failure so they can rub it in our faces and remind us (once more) what losers we are.  Thing is, ain’t gonna happen.

They have failed.  

All they have done is taken off any illusions we may have been working under and have given us even more determination to make this work and without a ounce of their support, and then you know what? IF we have time for them in our lives, well, we’ll see if we can fit them in. After all, we’d hate for our success to somehow rub in THEIR faces that we did it in spite of their efforts to blacken the waters on us by going behind our backs and talking about us, or by contacting family over the pond to tell them that we’re planning a move over there to mooch everything we can off them.  I find the whole thing ridiculous.  They have so rarely been involved in our lives here, and the VERY rare times we’ve asked for the smallest thing, wow.  You’d think we’d asked for the moon, and believe me, we pay for it for months and months afterwards with constant reminders and belittling.

A fresh start.  That’s what we need.  My Hunny is a hard worker, I’m a supportive wife and a good mother.  We will be a blessing to whatever friends we make over there, so if family doesn’t want us, I know my friends always do.   It has been such a blessing to have the encouragement, help, support of friends here – a stark contrast to the meanness of the family we have here.  I don’t completely blame the family there, they are going based on the false rumours that the family here is spreading to them.  but I guess we’ll see what comes of it when we get there.  Independently of any of their help.

I’m writing this blog, not to berate our families… but, as I said at the start, I want this to help others who might be looking to make the same move.  And opposition, unfortunately, might arise for some of you too.  I want you to know you aren’t alone.  There are others who have been blasted out of the water for a choice to move overseas… and we’re not giving up on our dreams, don’t you give up either!  Deal?  Good.

Blessings!

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Categories: Canada, Moving To UK | Tags: , , , , | 4 Comments

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4 thoughts on “Sadness

  1. Vicky

    Stay positive….. it WILL work out..

  2. Gail

    Sorry about your disappointments. I will also add to stay positive and go out on your own! This is a sign that your OH can go and find a job anywhere in UK. You never know you may even find a nicer place to live. When he has a job and a place to stay and you and the kids arrive then contact the family over there to see if they want to visit with you. The difficulty is that you don’t know what the family in Canada is saying to them so they may have a false notion that you are planning on sponging on them. I once years ago contacted a cousin when I was going on holiday to UK (this was in 80’s) and never had spoken to her before and when I said it was her cousin from way across the water she got very suspicious and acted a bit weird that I never contacted her. Years later I am now pretty friendly with her but us “colonials” are very friendly with family and always invite them to come and see us but those in UK are not like that! So unless you actually had a written invitation or contact on telephone welcoming you to stay with them, don’t go there!

    • Ya, that’s the thing, we weren’t planning on “depending” on them, and when we went to visit, they seemed so friendly and welcoming. Maybe they still are, I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t want to bother them for even the tiniest thing… I’ll let them know our new number, and if they want to reach out, THEY can make the first move. It was super important to me that the Littles get to know their English relatives, but if they don’t want us, there is PLENTY more over the pond for us to see and do than visit family. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by the friendliness of some of the FB groups I’ve joined from the UK – hopefully I can find my network there instead of having family for support. Sad times we live, eh?

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